I was a basket case, I couldn't sleep, I still have issues, I cried all the time and I barely functioned. For nine long months I wondered if I'd ever feel joy again? Could I believe in love? In those first nine months I doubted that I could. Truthfully I wasn't sure I wanted to again.
Honestly after giving my whole heart and soul to 'him' only to be hurt more than I ever thought possible... I wasn't sure I ever wanted to love that way again. Why would I want to when 'he' did and said everything 'he' said he wouldn't? 'He' became all that he promised he never would... I remember asking 'him' one time, if someone else came into his life, how would that affect us? 'He' told me she would have to accept that we were friends...
What did I learn from all of this? Just because I'm open and honest does not mean everyone else is... people have their own agendas... No matter what some people say, they don't mean it when the time comes to prove the truth. No matter what we think or believe, not everyone is like us, not everyone is as open and honest. As much as I wanted to shut down, close out the world and try to forget the pain... It was there, the old me would have done everything possible to bury that pain deep, where no one could find it but the me of today won't let that happen anymore.
“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” and it resonated with me and what I went through. I know that some people don't think what happened was anything that could destroy a person but for me, having my trust broken is one of the worst things I have dealt with. I believe losing trust is one of the most difficult things to deal with because it makes you question everything you have ever trusted in... and everyone.
The quote made me think about how no matter what is thrown my way, I keep getting stronger even when I doubt that I can... I am tenacious, I never give up and I always make it through to the other side.
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