"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."
Most problems in the world come from one source: self-abandonment. Most can be solved by one choice: learning to love yourself and share your love with others. ~ Margaret Paul
I read a blog last night where she wrote about how she had a fear of abandonment. Her father passed away suddenly when she was 5 years old and how she was worried that her mom would leave her suddenly too.
I can understand why she had the fear, my mom didn't die when I was a child but she was gone from my life completely for 9 years when I was 6 years old. I never felt safe, probably the reason I so desperately wanted someone in my life. Someone who would be there and love me always.
I had to come to an understanding this past year, I had to learn to love that little girl inside me, the one who felt so lost and abandoned. Otherwise, I would never be able to heal her. I wish I could hug her and tell her everything would be okay and not to worry so much.
Self love is the only way I can finally heal. Stripping away all the layers that I used to cover the pain and sadness has been difficult but no more difficult than living my life by trying to hide. The way I've been dealing with it through my life has been more detrimental than helpful.
I want to experience full joy and as the quote below states I just have to recognize all my blessings and show gratitude for all the good things in my life. I need to stop looking at the things I lack or I will always lack what I want and need.
This life is truly a test, it takes some people years (people like me) to know their full worth. Although life is a test, it's also meant to be joyful or there would be no point.
"Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are."
"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield